Saving me
by DucttapedCheshireCat
Summary: Demyx's been suffering from nightmares and then one of his friends turns out to be not exactly who he thought he was. What will he do about it? What can he do about it? Hints of AkuRoku, Xemix and Marlene. Zemyx later on. Discontinued until further notice
1. Prologue

Okay. so this is my new project.  
I've had this rabid plotbunny in my head a long time, finally yesterday I go the idea on how to start it.  
so here we are. it is only the prologue that will be in first persons view. the rest will be in third person.  
This if my first long fic and I'm planning on doing the chapters longer than this.

I should probably mention that it's from Demyx point of view now in the beginning.

Disclaimer: I do not own kingdom hearts in anyway. Heck i just got my hands on my own copy of CoM. xD

Well I think that's it  
on with the show.

**Enjoy**

* * *

_**Saving me**_

Prologue

I've never been much for the dark. Come to think of it I've always been afraid of it, ever since I was a kid. Of course I really shouldn't be afraid of darkness now, I don't have a heart; I shouldn't be able to feel at all. Still, I sometimes think I do. As Myde I was terribly afraid of darkness. Some people find comfort in it; I just found panic, eyes that really weren't there, monsters lurking in the corners.

Sometimes, after having a bad dream or going through a rough night when I went to the bathroom, I turned the lights of when washing my hands. The only reason for it is that I can't stand facing myself in the mirror.

The only thing it results in is ever so often me panicking, tumbling out the door when I unlocked it in fright. Once I tumbled into Zexion. That was actually a little embarrassing. I mean; he always rambles on and on about the fact that we don't have hearts and we cannot feel.

I know that Zexion. But if we cannot feel, why does it burn and sting so in my chest?  
Why do these tears keep on falling? Why am I still so afraid of the dark?

Luxord understands me. He's almost like a big-brother to me; he lets me into his room on some of the long dark nights when I can't sleep. He knows my secrets, my crush on Zexion, my fright of the dark, my fright of thunder (which makes me terribly afraid of Larxene, but who wouldn't be? That girl is a freak.)

He's nice to me, always having some comforting words and I've become really attached to him.

I hate the nights when he's out on a mission. Those nights are almost always worst. It feels so empty and lonely, not having anywhere to turn, the long white corridors of castle Oblivion feeling more hostile than ever. It almost makes me choke on the empty air.

I hate this castle and its residents. The narcissistic pink-haired freak Marluxia, who hangs out with the even freakier wielder of thunder Larxene. Our superior Xemnas and his little pet, freak Saix. Vexen's a creep lurking around down in his laboratory. Xigbar's just weird, using everything and everybody for target-practise.

But some of the people around here can be quite nice. Luxord as I mentioned earlier, Axel's a really nice guy when you get to know him. He can be quite a handful, always up to no good, burning everything he can as the pyro he is. Roxas, his boyfriend can be quite moody, but he's still a nice guy. Zexion's… Zexion. And that says everything. Lexaeus' okay since he's Zexion's friend, even though he scares me sometimes, he seems like a nice guy. Xaldin can be okay at times, when he's at the mood or when Luxord's around, otherwise he can be very absent-minded, not really listening to you, like he was far away in thoughts. Perhaps he's in dreams about having a life, having a heart, being able to feel. Sometimes he's even aggressive.

I'm not really a sad person. I'm actually quite a bundle of sunshine, if you let Luxord describe me. He may be right; I usually try to keep my mind out of the blue, always a smile on my lips. I can't help that reality catches up with me on some nights, or if my nightmares come and hunt me down.

So that it why I'm lying here now, under my bed, tears streaming down my face. My heart is racing in my chest, I hate being alone. I always feel so fragile, like anything could break me.

Somehow I manage to fall asleep on the cold floor with dust bunnies as my only company.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it and I didn't waste your time  
Please leave a review and tell me what you think. :D that would make me happy.  
I can't promise updates on regular basis but I'm gonna do my best. 


	2. Chapter 1 Rockabye Baby

Allright. Chapter one is done and I post it now like a late birthday present for myself xD  
I'm not so pleased with it, but I think I'll be able to write better and longer chapters when I get the plot going.  
This chapter and a few oncoming will be introduction-chapters but I hope you like them anyway.

Enjoy

Disclaimer: ... Nope.. still not owning anything at all whatsoever. But I tell you someday.. SOMEDAY KINGDOM HEARTS WILL BE MINE! But not right now so no need to sue me. Just abusing the characters

* * *

_**Saving me**_

**Chapter 1 ****Rock-a-bye baby**

_It was dark outside and the rain was pouring down. Somewhere in the distance you could hear thunder. The sky was te__mporarily lit up by a lightning and a young boy ran as fast as his child-legs could carry him. Heavy steps followed him, mad laughter was all around._

"_I only want to play with you!"_

_The boy __kept on running, tears streaming down his face. Somewhere he could hear the creaks from an abandoned playground, leaves rustling from the heavy wind._

_He could almost feel his pursuer'__s breath in his neck, the ground uneven beneath his tiny feet. Suddenly a root appeared out of nowhere, making the young boy trip. It was so cold outside, and the coldness and fear made him numb, unable to rise and try to get away. The footsteps behind him caught up and a pair of strong arms grabbed him, turned him around and he was facing a silvery hair and a pair of green cat eyes. The ground was cold against his t-shirted back and the root was poking him in the ribs._

"_Now little boy, we shall have fun."_

_The young boy screamed as thunder roared and the darkness around him and in the mad-man's heart slowly took away every last ray of hope in him._

* * *

Demyx woke up with a jerk, gasping for air, sheets damp with sweat. Panting he tried to find out where he was. When he realized he was in his room in castle oblivion he breathed out and rose from his bed. Tip-toeing out of his room and through a long white corridor he reached Luxord's door. He gave it a light knock and waited for the older nobody to open it. After a while the door opened, Luxord standing there, only wearing pyjama-pants, hair a mess and sleepiness in his eyes. When he realized Demyx was standing there he bucked up.

"Dem, what's wrong? You're… crying." Demyx reached a hand to his face and felt the wetness from tears.  
"I had a bad dream." He whispered, his voice broken and Luxord nodded.

"Come on in, I'll make the couch for you so you can sleep there." Demyx entered the familiar room and sat down on the floor while Luxord pulled out a pillow and some blankets for him. A hand was laid in his shoulder and he stiffened.

"It's okay Dem. It's only me." the older man's voice was concerned and he led Demyx to the couch where they both sat down. Demyx was shaking, slightly rocking back and forth. Luxord placed his arm around the younger man.

"Calm down Dem. You're home and nobody is gonna do you any harm, not as long as I am here. Don't worry, I promise."

Slowly Demyx calmed down and fell asleep, leaning against his protector, feeling safe. Luxord looked down at the sleeping boy, smiled to himself and tucked him down before going back to his own bed.

* * *

Demyx awoke the next morning by Luxord poking him in the stomach. At the sight of his sea-green eyes Luxord gave him a heart-warming smile.  
"Slept well?" Demyx nodded and rose into a sitting position, eyes fixed at his hands.  
"I'm sorry for disturbi..." Luxord shook his head and interrupted him.  
"Don't think about it Dem. I'm glad you came if you feel safe here." Demyx looked up at him and smiled faintly as Luxord rose.  
"Common Dem, let's go down and get something to eat."

* * *

Having for the time forgotten all nightmares, Demyx skipped down the stairs to the library. He would always go and visit Zexion down there this time of the day, after the missions where handed out and peace settled around the castle since the missions always took place two hours after breakfast.

As expected he found Zexion in a comfy-looking, two-seat couch in the darkest part of the library, a burning candle as an only light-source. He tip-toed towards the back of the slate-haired man, as if to scare him before –

"Hello there Number nine." The blonde man pouted and seated himself on the armrest.  
"How did you know I was coming?" Zexion didn't even look up from the book.  
"You always make such a ruckus. It's a miracle you haven't been killed yet."

Zexion was the youngest member of the organisation, with an exceptional mind, always knowing what's going on. He had the most amazing sense of smell and could sense a presence of somebody before they even knew he was near.

The blonde nobody frowned at the slate-haired's words, hands twisting and turning in his lap. The other boy still didn't look up from his book; he just kept on reading as Demyx fought back tears. But still, Demyx remained. He wasn't able to rise, nor did he want to. He cleared his throat and smiled against Zexion.

"So... What are you reading?"  
"Nothing of your interest."  
"If I weren't interested, would I have asked?" Zexion finally looked up from the book, one eyebrow arched.  
"Well, if you must know it's a book about hearts." He lowered his gaze to the book and continued reading.

Never. There was no chance he would tell Demyx he was reading _'Romeo and Juliet'_. Nuh uh. Not in this… Non-existence.

Demyx just nodded and leaned against the back of the sofa and there they sat; Zexion reading his beloved book, Demyx staring of in the distance.  
"Do you really love books that much?" He said, looking up at the ceiling.

"We don't have hearts, nine. We can't feel anything" Zexion answered automatically. "But yes. Books are useful and can provide you with good information." Demyx slowly nodded before he rose.  
"Well... I gotta find Marluxia before I head out on my mission. I was apparently going with him today. See ya"

"Goodbye Number nine." Zexion lowered the book when Demyx walked out. "And good luck…"

* * *

Marluxia was calmly watering his flowers when he heard someone knock on his door.  
"Who could it –"

"Hey Marly! Should we head out to do our mission?" Marluxia had to bite his tongue to not hit his head against the wall and ruin his pretty face when he heard Demyx's voice.  
"Great… I get to be the baby-sitter."

It had been decided that since Demyx last mission ended in failure, he was gonna have someone with him to help and supervise on a few of the oncoming missions that where handed to him.

Demyx looked at him curiously.  
"What did you say?" Marluxia just flashed him a cold vicious smile.  
"Oh never mind Number Nine, I was just talking to myself."

* * *

A/N:  
It might be a while now before the next chapter comes. I have a bunch of schoolwork waiting for me that I have to finish before this week is up and my grandma is turning 70 so we gotta celebrate her and all. Besides I'm not really sure what's gonna happen in the next comming chapters so we'll see. But I'm gonna do my best.

Anyway. I'm glad that I got a few alerts on this story and I would like to thank Lifes.Lover for the review.  
Really, reviews are what keeps me going. So please press that cute little purple button that says review and make my day  
And a lot of reviews makes me write faster since I get so encouraged.  
Oh and constructive critisism is appreciated.

This might not be the best written things but I need a beta-reader. Right now my mom is acting like one and that's not the best.

Anyway. Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it.


	3. Chapter 2 Buried Myself Alive

Waahahaha xD I know I said this chapter would take a while because of schoolwork, but when I finally got the idea what to write in this chapter I jsut couldn't stop writing. I feel I'm on a roll here. Mostly because I have vacation so when that's over I won't have as much time to write, but I will have a lot of time to get ideas for this baby

Anyway.

**Dedication**: I want to dedicate this chapter to Lifes.Lover for awesome reviews and also SecretBox who beta-read it and helped me with some thing. Thanks a bundle girls :D

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Still not owning anything. Not kingdom hearts or the song Buried myself alive by the Used. Heck, Marluxia's owning be in CoM. Fuckin flowerboy... I swear.. one day he's gonna get it.

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 2 Buried Myself Alive**

The underground was cold. Somewhere Demyx heard water droplets fall and he turned to the pink-haired man next to him.

"So we were gonna go and see Hades and try to get him over to our side?" Marluxia nodded.

"Yes. And if he refused we were gonna head back without a fight."

"Why?" Marluxia smiled wryly against the blonde.

"Because you failed on your last mission, we don't want it to happen again. I'm just here to supervise. If we didn't get him to our side we were gonna let someone else take over." Demyx frowned at his words, and he didn't understand why the things Pinky said hurt so much. Since he didn't have a heart he wasn't supposed to feel, but sometimes Demyx could almost bet he had a heart. There were no way the emotions he felt weren't for real.

They started walking towards the cave of death. The huge door opened automatically before them and let them through. It was a thick mist in the cave, making it impossible for them to see anything. As they walked, the ground suddenly disappeared beneath their feet and they fell down. Demyx felt a shot of panic rushing through his stomach. Fortunately enough, the fall wasn't too deep and they landed securely using their hands.

"Well... That was not totally un-expected…" Marluxia noted and he looked around. Down here the mist was missing, it was like it just was a layer to cover the fall. Everywhere they looked it was massive blocks of stone and the air was cold around them. When they started walking again Demyx suddenly got the feeling they were being watched; the droplets of water sounded like they were coming closer and a hot wind blew past him. Wait. A hot wind? In the underground?

"Eh... Marluxia... Did you… feel anything?" Marluxia looked at him with one eyebrows raised, his voice cold.

"What am I supposed to have felt?" Demyx had stopped moving and looked around, feeling uneasy.

"I can almost swear I just felt a warm puff of air…" Marluxia was just about to answer but came to a stop when he saw what was standing behind the other Nobody.

"Number nine. Don't turn around." Of course you should never say that to anybody as it just triggers curiosity and therefore Demyx slowly turned around and felt the panic shoot in, for real this time and his face lost all color.

Behind him a huge dog was standing. And I mean HUGE. Not only was it huge, it had three heads looking down on them, big mouths open with sharp teeth's dripping of saliva. Demyx spun around and faced Marluxia again.

"Please tell me there's not a 15 feet dog standing behind me." Marluxia shook his head.

"Oh no, there **is** a 15 feet dog standing behind you. I'm more worried on how the hell we get away from it." His voice was calm and Demyx looked like he was about to cry.

"Run?" Marluxia nodded and they started to run as fast as they could to get away from the monster. The ground flew by their feet and they criss-crossed between boulders to get away.

They could hear the dog bark and the ground was shaking as it ran after them. Demyx wished deeply he had something to trick the dog with. All of a sudden Marluxia stopped abruptly behind a big stone block. Demyx slowed down and looked at him with panic in his eyes.

"Why did you stop!? What if that thing still is after us?" Marluxia just rolled his eyes, snapped his fingers which made a black portal open up behind him and he stepped through it. Demyx ran in after him, desperate not to be alone with the raging monster.

* * *

"I'm sorry. I panicked and forgot about the portals!" The Superior eyed him closely and Demyx could feel Marluxia's evil gaze behind him.

"Panic is not an excuse Number Nine." The Superior's voice was deep and sounded like it was suppressed with anger. Demyx flinched and eyed his shoes.

"You are off mission-duty for a week."

* * *

"God that stupid Marluxia! He does everything he can to cause trouble for you, I swear to Kingdom Hearts." Axel smashed his hand against the wall.

When Demyx had come back to his room, Axel and Roxas had showed up to hear how the mission went. Demyx was lying sprawled over his bed, while Roxas sat in an armchair and Axel sat leaned against a wall. Demyx had filled them in with the details and Axel was furious.

"And that STUPID Mansex!" Roxas almost choked on laughter.

"Mansex?" Axel shrugged his shoulders and couldn't help a smile.

"Yeah... You know… Xemnas – Mansex. It's an anagram. Haven't anyone of you ever thought of it before?" Roxas shook his head and Demyx remained silent.

"Hm. Funny… Anyway. I bet Marluxia said those things only to get you into trouble and make him look better in Mansex's eyes. And that dimwit Mansex believed him"

"Can you **please** stop calling him Mansex!?" Roxas shuddered. "It gives me disgusting images in my head." Axel looked at him with a wicked grin.

"So… Mansex gives you bad images? I will remember that." Roxas threw a pillow at the redhead.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want to have images involving The Superior and another man… Naked." Axel fell over with roaring laughter.

"Hey Rox, remember that time when we walked in on Marluxia and-"

"Shut up! _Don't_. Remind me." Odd, it seemed like Roxas face was shifting to a slight green colour. Demyx looked at him from the side and then turned to Axel.

"Whoa. Does Marluxia like someone? I thought he was only interested in like… flowers and his own reflection…?" Axel sniggered.

"Yeah. Or I dunno, but me and Rox was gonna ask him something that one time and when we walked in we found him in bed with no other than Larxene." Demyx looked nauseous.

"Why didn't I see that one coming? They're always hanging around each other like freak and freakier…" Axel laughed.

"Everybody take cover! Freak-couple coming through!" Even Roxas had to smile at this statement. Demyx sat up and gave them a slight smile.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming by and everything. I really appreciate it but I think I want to be alone now. I'm a little tired." Axel looked at him in mere shock.

"Dem are you-"

"It's okay. We should head back anyway. Come on Axel." Roxas had risen. He grabbed the redhead's hand and pulled him through the door, leaving Demyx who stretched out again.

The bed beneath him felt cold against his cloaked back. Heck, the whole goddamn castle was cold, dark and hostile. How did he end up here? What was he doing here? He didn't belong here. Almost everybody hated him. They thought he was a wuss, that he couldn't do anything. He never asked to be a Nobody; he didn't even want to be here. Wherever he walked he bumped in to someone who looked like they wanted to use him for some creepy experiment or target practise or something else even worse. A shudder shook his body and he draped himself in a blanket. Not that it helped but if he pretended hard enough it almost made him feel at home, like nothing could get to him in his little blanket-bubble. Almost like he felt safe, but he knew he were never safe. The darkness would always be there, not matter how hard he closed his eyes. Against his will he fell asleep.

* * *

_He was falling further and further down and it was like there was no end. It was pitch-black and the darkness seemed to devour him. He tried to scream but it was like his voice was gone; no sounds came from his throat._

"Demyx?" _Suddenly he hit the hard bottom of the endless hole, and black shadows tried to hold him down. They pinned him against the ground and one of the shadows came over him. It transformed into a face with green catty eyes and short silvery hair. He struggled to get loose but they were too strong for him._

"Demyx!" Everywhere they _were screaming his name._

"_Get… off…" He was twisting and turning to get away but the shadows had him in a tight grip. Another shadow held his wrist after he had tried to hit it to get away. All his efforts were futile. This was how it was gonna end. _

"**Demyx! Wake up!" **

Luxord voice woke him and the dark blonde realized he was lying in his bed and it was the older man who held him down. Demyx looked at Luxord with glossy eyes.

"What happened?" Luxord let his arms go and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I heard your screams down the corridor. That must have been a pretty nasty nightmare; I was doing everything I could to keep you from hitting me." Demyx, who had sat up, looked down with a slight blush and Luxord put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay… I know you couldn't help it." Demyx shook his head, eyes still fixed down.

"I was falling… And then these shadows tried to hold me down…"

"I told you it is okay, I know you have bad memories and nightmares and all that." Demyx finally looked up at the other man, a slight smile formed on his lips. Luxord smiled back.

"See, there's the Dem I know." He ruffled Demyx's hair and then leaned against the opposite bedpost from Demyx.

"So… What happened on your last mission anyway? The Superior never told us, he just said that you had failed miserably." Demyx scratched his neck and made an awkward smile.

"I was supposed to go to Beast's Castle and convince Beast to join up with us… But something came up…" Luxord looked at him with a curious glint in his turquoise eyes as Demyx hesitated to continue his story. After a moment of silence Demyx looked up.

"Have I ever told you why I am so afraid of darkness?" Luxord looked surprised and shook his head.

"No. But if my memory doesn't fail me, you weren't afraid when you first came here." It was Demyx's turn to shake his head.

"No. It was when my memories of Myde returned that everything came back. You see… When Myde was six years old he was… raped." The last word came out as a whisper.

"He was being chased or something. It's all a little blurry but it haunts me in my dreams. It was dark when it happened… He tripped and so the man caught up with him. It was darkness everywhere-" Here Demyx's voice broke and he started sobbing. Luxord looked at him with pain in his eyes.

"It's okay Dem. You don't have to tell me if it's too hard…" Demyx shook his head again.

"No, it's okay. I want to tell you. I need to and you're the only one I really trust." Luxord tilted his head to the side and Demyx continued.

"The darkness that time, it was like it swallowed Myde. He was only six; there was no way he could get away. That's why I'm so afraid of darkness. It brings me back." Luxord nodded.

"But you never said why you failed…? I'm sorry, I'm just curious – But I can definitely see why you're so afraid of darkness. I would too if my Somebody had gone through something like that. But just so you know, if it ever gets hard on you, it's just to come by my room and I'll make the couch for you." Demyx smiled once again and then started talking.

"Yeah. I just had to tell you that to explain what happened when I failed. On the last mission, as I said, I was gonna go and get Beast to our side. But at first I couldn't find him. And so I started searching through the basement, and it was so dark, tightening its grip on me and suddenly I was back as Myde, on that cold dark night when thunder roared. I freaked and used a portal to get out of there. Unfortunately I didn't think of where I went, I just wanted to come back here and by mistake I tumbled in to the Superior's office where he was going hard with…" Luxord's eyes were as big as saucers and he didn't know if he wanted to know who The Superior was 'going hard' with.

"With..?" Demyx swallowed.

"Saïx." Luxord looked at him like he was a sheep from outer space, whatever that was.

"You gotta be kidding' me!" Demyx shook his head.

"No. And when he had collected himself and fixed things, the Superior came and talked to me and gave me a chance to explain." He was interrupted by Luxord's husky laughter. Demyx just looked at him, confusion written all over his young face. The laughter just continued, then after a while when Luxord had gotten a chance to calm down, he wiped some tears from his eyes.

"Wow. There's an image I needed; The Superior taking Saïx against his desk." Demyx couldn't help letting a laughter escape from his throat.

"When you put it like that it's actually pretty fun…" Luxord nodded.

"But I get it now why you're not allowed to go on missions by yourself." Demyx laughed and curled up under the blanket.

"I'm really tired… Can you sit here, just a little while I fall asleep?" Luxord gave him a faint smile.

"Of course Dem." Demyx smiled back as Luxord found a deck of cards and started to cut them. The last thing Demyx heard before sleep caught him was the slight whooshing sound the cards made when they were being shuffled.

* * *

Okay I hope you liked it.  
Please leave a review? It makes me so happy  
even if it's just a few words of appreciation (spelling? xD)

Now I really need to do my homework and get a few ideas for some of the chapters comming up. I know what's gonna be in the next chapter but after that I need some time to figure out. If you have any ideas or speculations, be sure to tell me It's fun.

Oh and yeah, I'm sorry for the lack of Zemyxness. It's gonna be there later on. Just wait and see


	4. Chapter 3 Three cheers for sweet revenge

I'm am terribly sorry it took so much time to get this up. had some problems with the finishing touches. Anyway now it's up

**Disclaimer:** -Killed in an accident involving flying flower petals- Nope. Still getting owned by flower boy. And on top of that I own nothing except an incredibly insane plot. I do not own the album Three cheers for sweet revenge either.

**Thanks to Lifes.Lover and Secretbox for the help and beta-ing**

**Enjoy :3 **

* * *

**Chapter 3**** Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge**

Demyx was standing in Twilight's view with arm's resting on the rail, eyes distant. He had felt rather down lately and he had no idea why. If he had a heart, this would be where it broke.

He didn't understand why he felt like this. Not because of all that 'we don't have hearts' crap. It was rather the fact that he usually didn't feel depressed. He was the sunshine of this hell-hole, as Axel once described him. Still, this feeling of unease didn't seem to want to let go of him.

He remembered how it felt to be sad, and this was it: the emptiness, the loneliness and this fucking coldness that seemed to be everywhere; the complete, utter feeling of being hated.

Boredom was eating him from the inside; he had nothing to do since he was off mission-duty. This gave him way too much time to rummage through the long empty corridors of Castle Oblivion, looking for nothing and everything, someone and no one. Anyone who didn't hate him. Unluckilyenougheverybody that didn't was out on missions. All the time he had alone, made his thoughts wander on roads he didn't want them to go.

This wasn't like him .He shrugged and decided it was time to cheer up. He was Demyx; the ever-happy, never failing optimist.

So what should he do to get himself on other thoughts..?

Go see Zexion of course.

* * *

The big white door to the library stood ajar and he snuck in. High bookshelves stood on rows, filled with big heavy books. A melody was stuck in his head and he was humming it silently to himself, while searching for the slate-haired Nobody between the shelves.

_JULIET  
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;_

_Thou art thyself, though not a Montague._

_What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,_

_Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part_

_Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!_

_What's in a name? that which we call a rose_

__

By any other name would smell as sweet;

_So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,_

_Retain that dear perfection which he owes_

_Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,_

_And for that name which is no part of thee_

_Take all myself. _

ROMEO  
_I take thee at thy word:_

_Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;_

_Henceforth I never will be Romeo. _

JULIET  
_What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night  
__  
So stumblest on my counsel? _

ROMEO  
_By a name_

_I know not how to tell thee who I am:_

_My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,_

_Because it is an enemy to thee;_

_Had I it written, I would tear the word. __**1)**_

"Hey Zexy!" Zexion was abruptly torn from his book when a blonde shadow jumped on him from behind. The slate-haired man rolled his eyes and closed the book.

"Hello Number Nine. What can I do for you?" Demyx gave him a smile full of sunshine and sank down on the couch next to him.

"I just came to talk. I was bored." Zexion glanced at him, one eyebrow raised.

"Don't you have anything useful to do, rather than disturbing me? Like a mission or something?" Demyx avoided Zexion's gaze.

"No… I'm off mission-duty for a week."

"Oh. And the reason for this is…?"

"I failed… Again." Zexion rolled his eyes.

"What did you do this time?" Demyx played with his black coat and tilted his head.

"I panicked and put my own and Marluxia's lives in danger…"

"I see. That was a stupid thing to do. But do I have to remind you, Number Nine, that we don't 'live' we just exist." Demyx frowned and nodded and Zexion returned to his book. The younger man could feel oceanic eyes on him but ignored them. The book was really getting interesting. How could two beings feel such strong emotions for each other?

Demyx glanced over at the young man, so hooked in his book; his long dark bangs covering his face, so beautiful where he sat. He couldn't understand were these emotions coming from if he didn't have a heart.

The library was big and silent, and Demyx could almost bet that if someone dropped a needle, he would have heard it touch the ground. The only sounds were a slight rustling when Zexion turned a page. It was really soothing and he leaned back, eyes closed.

"No… no…" Zexion looked up from his book, glanced over at the blonde man and smiled faintly. Demyx had fallen asleep, but in Zexion's eyes he didn't look like he was having a good sleep. He was slightly twisting, as if to get away. Every now and then he whimpered. Zexion tilted his head to the side.

"Number Nine, are you okay?" Demyx lifted his hands and waved around with them in front of himself, as if he were trying to push something away. The slate-haired nobody closed his book and put it on a small table next to him, before he shook Demyx's shoulder lightly.

"Number Nine?" Demyx winced and tried to get away from his hand. Zexion shook his shoulder a little harder.

"Demyx, are you okay?" The blonde woke up with a yelp and looked around. When he saw Zexion he smiled, a slight blush forming on his face and he scratched his neck.

"I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep" Zexion nodded.

"Yeah, what were you dreaming about? It sounded like a bad dream or something?" Demyx just smiled.

"Oh never mind. I'm fine." There was a sadness in his voice that told Zexion that the blonde was lying straight to his face. He had however no chance to continue the conversation as a voice from behind interrupted him.

"Hey Dem! I knew I'd find you here. Oh and hello there Zexion." Zexion glanced over his shoulder and sighed at the face of the redhead.

"Hello Number Eight." Demyx looked up at Axel.

"Hey Ax, what's up?" Axel just grinned mischievously at the blonde.

"Not much, but I want to talk to you. Can you come with me?" Demyx nodded and rose.

"Sure." He looked down at Zexion and smiled. "See you around."

The slate-haired man just nodded.

When Demyx walked out of the library, Zexion picked up his book. Looking after the blonde, he added a quiet, "Be careful."

* * *

Axel dragged the blonde by the arm to his room. Once there he pushed down Demyx on the bed and grinned smugly towards him. Demyx flashed him an unsure smile and scratched his neck. The redhead walked back and forth in the room before he turned towards Demyx again, smiled the same wicked smile, waved his hands and started walking again. After repeating this a few times Demyx had had enough.

"Er… Axel? Care to tell me what all this is about?" Axel jumped on him and Demyx wished he'd never asked.

"I thought you'd never ask!" He sniggered before he continued. "I've got the greatest idea ever. Greater than all great ideas through the times of Organisation XIII. Ever!" Demyx looked at him, one eyebrow raised. He wasn't too sure of this since he knew how Axel's 'great' ideas usually worked out. Last time he had had to hide from Xigbar for a month. And no, you do not want to know so we're not gonna go there. Capische? Anyway.

"And what is this 'great' idea then? Enlighten me, please." Sure, Axel had an amazing sense of humor when it came to these 'great' ideas, but he still wasn't sure. Said Axel just smiled mischievously, rose from Demyx's abdomen and started walking again.

"**Axel!**" The redhead looked up at him, like he was wondering what the hell Demyx was doing there, but then remembered.

"Oh right, right. Sorry." Demyx rolled his eyes but couldn't help but grin. Could he ever? Axel continued.

"Now you're gonna listen to me little Demykins, and you're gonna listen good." Oh god no. Axel had almost convinced Demyx and he didn't even know what this "great" plan _was_, but it was starting to sound really fun. The redhead seated himself on a chair, continued to just grin madly, before he rose again. Then, _finally,_ he stood still and leaned against a wall.

"I've got the perfect plan for revenge against our '**dear**' Pinky. Oh and did I mention that it's the greatest idea **ever?**" Demyx's smile was almost as insane as his at the words.

"Tell me!" Axel dug into a pocket of his black coat and pulled out a small plastic bag containing a blue powder.

"With this." Demyx looked from the bag to Axel and back at the bag, confusion written all over his features. The redhead walked towards him and whispered something in his ear. The blond's smile just grew wider and wider at each word whispered.

* * *

The dinner room in Castle Oblivion was silent at the breakfast table. The only sounds that resounded were the light clink the cutlery made against the porcelain.

All of a sudden a scream was heard and everybody's gazes were lifted. Running steps came from the stairs before Marluxia appeared in the doorway, cloaked and hooded. He looked around wildly and screamed.

"_Who _did **this**?" At the last word he pulled down his hood and revealed an Easter-yellow hair beneath it. Demyx had to bite his lips not to burst out in wild laughs and quickly dropped his spoon on the floor to get a reason to hide. Zexion looked at him, one eyebrow raised but was pulled from his thoughts by Axel, who rose and walked to Marluxia and slung an arm around the other man's shoulders.

"This is really terrible Marly. I swear I'm gonna find out who did this." It amazed Demyx that Axel could keep such a straight face. Marluxia looked at the redhead, eyes big before he threw Axel's arm off his shoulders and pointed at him.

"It was **you**! You did this to my beautiful hair!" Axel crossed his arms over his chest and cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh **really**?" Marluxia pointed a shaky finger towards him before he spun around and leaved the room.

Axel almost fell over with laughter. Almost everybody in the room snickered and even Zexion himself gave a faint smile.

* * *

It was a mystery to Demyx how the long corridors could be so bright during the days, when they had no windows and even if they did, it was always dark outside. He was on his way back to his room since he had been out looking for Axel, who had probably hid from a furious Marluxia. The memory amused him and he sniggered to himself while walking. A familiar voice behind him pulled him from the images of a blonde Marluxia.

"So. Out walking by yourself? May I ask a question Demyx?" The blonde spun around and saw Zexion walking out from the shadows of a corner and he tilted his head before he flashed him a big smile.

"Hey. That's the first time you've used my name." Zexion looked confounded a few seconds before he had collected himself again.

"That's not the point." Demyx shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah yeah. What did you want to ask?"

"Did you have anything to do with the whole 'blonde Marluxia' affair?"

"No…" Demyx made his best innocent face and scratched his neck while looking up at the ceiling.

"… I don't believe you. That face doesn't fool anybody." Demyx sighed, grabbed Zexion's wrist and pulled him to his room.

"Okay… So yeah… I might have had something to do with it. Promise not to tell anybody?" Zexion nodded and looked around.

"What did you guys do?" Demyx laughed a little, pulled out a chair for the slate-haired man and seated himself on the floor, leaning against the bed.

"Well… Axel came by and had this idea. In some way he had gotten some peroxide that we mixed into Marluxia's conditioner and voila."(**2**) Zexion sniggered.

"That's an extremely stupid plan, but hey, it worked. Can I see the peroxide if you have it?"

"Well... There's almost nothing left, but I think there's still a little on the bottom of the bag…" Demyx handed him the small plastic bag that he got from Axel after they poured it into the conditioner. He felt Zexion's fingers brush lightly against his own when he took it. They were warm, and oddly enough; his own were also warm. His hands were almost always cold. Zexion looked at the bag thoroughly and stood up.

"Can I have this?" Demyx nodded.

"Good... I want to do some research on it." He left Demyx and walked down to his lab in the basement. Back in his room Demyx just smiled to himself before he fell down on his bed, sheer happiness running through his veins. Zexion had just been in his room; Zexion had just touched his hands. It probably didn't mean anything but he was happy for any crumbs that Zexion was willing to give.

* * *

(**1**) Romeo and Juliet Act 2 Scene II

(**2**) I highly doubt this really works, but in my world it does :D

I have the next chapter done so if you are nice and review alot, I maybe release it sooner than what I had in mind.

And here's the deal about chapter 5:  
I have in mind how it's gonna work out and things like that, but I have to figure out somethings for the plot, and I'm getting a new computer, so as soon as the powercable is here from Stockholm (which should be around tuesday or something) I'm gonna start writing on it. Therefor chapter 5 might take some time.

Hope you liked the chapter.

Emelee


	5. Chapter 4 Scream a little bit louder

A/N: Omg! Angst angst angst angst!

I gotta say I was questioning my sanity while writing this.  
And I had really fun writing this.  
And yes it is pretty short, but if I continued it, I'm pretty sure I would have gone mental. or more mental than I already am.

Sorry Lover, that you didn't get to beta it but I really wanted to post it.

For you who care I've started a LiveJournal.  
I'll pretty much write about how the fic is going and ramble about my life  
My name on LJ is FeartheSpatula, so just look me up, write if you want to I don't bite.  
It doesn't matter if it is that you wonder when the next chapter is comming or what i've named the dust bunnies beneath my bed xD

**Disclaimer**: ... Don't even get me started. I own nothing except an insane plot.

**Thanks to** **Secretbox** for betaing and to **Ramen-is-my-Godess** for all the fun talks.  
Also thanks to everybody who has reviewed :D  
Also thanks to the fact that we've reached 500 hits :D

**Warning:** This chapter is really angsty and contains alot of yaoi (boyxboy) (No real lemons though)  
Just incase someone who reads this don't like it Oo'

I think that was everything.

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Saving me**_

**Chapter 4 ****Scream a little bit louder for me baby**

Everybody has nightmares to fight. Some people have nightmares about being left alone, others about being hunted, some of falling. Some see monsters. Some people are afraid of darkness, others is afraid about what is lurking _in_ the dark

Like Demyx, I'm terribly afraid of the dark, thunder not so much. This night I woke up at 3 AM by a nosebleed and when I passed the kitchen on my way back to my room, I thought I saw something there in the darkness and by the time I got back to my bed I couldn't fall asleep again. Yesterday night I woke up from a nightmare. I dreamt I had moved into an apartment, in which a woman had been brutally murdered. I was so afraid when I woke up I couldn't fall asleep again. Images from the nightmare and old memories haunted my brain, panic lingering in my chest and I couldn't move.

Everybody has nightmares, and so did Xemnas.

He was twisting back and forth in his bed before his eyes fluttered and opened. Breathing was hard, panic pressing against him. Unlike Demyx, he liked the darkness. It was the light he was afraid off, the knowledge that the light had left him a long time ago along with his heart. He was alone in this world. Something was broken inside of him, if he even had an inside. He didn't know anymore, nothing appealed to him. The emptiness was tearing him up and he hated that they couldn't feel anything.

What wouldn't he give to be able to feel again?

Everything he felt was just the emptiness. The experiment had gone terribly wrong when they examined what Heartless and Nobodies had in common. It was never his intention that they were going to lose their hearts but when that had happened, everything had seemed right anyway; because he didn't feel. And then new members had joined up, also Nobodies and everything seemed right. But he knew that it wasn't.

He also knew he wasn't the only one who had nightmares. He could hear screams from the different rooms when he was laying awake late nights. It was the curse of having the room at the top; the stairs made such a terrible echo, making him hear every scream of agony, pain, fear or pleasure when someone liked to pretend that they actually did have a heart.

Xemnas looked out through the gigantic window in his room. He dreamt about being alone, the light, his heart. This was why he acted so cold, he knew he didn't have a heart and he knew how much pain he had inflicted on the other members of the organisation. Why should he pretend he had a heart and hurt them even more? If they only could get Kingdom Hearts, they could get their hearts back and Kingdom Hearts was gonna be his, no matter what it took. Even if he died; it would be his. And if he died, then he didn't have to care anymore. Then he could go up to the eternal darkness and there he would be safe.

He remembered the time Demyx had tumbled into his office when he was with Saïx. If Demyx only had looked only a little closer that time, he would have seen the tears in Xemnas's eyes, the streaks from already fallen ones on Saïx's cheeks. Yes, sometimes it felt like Saïx almost understood him, but he wasn't sure. Sometimes after they had been together he just felt worse, more alone than ever. Yes, it was a very destroying relationship between them, but sometimes it made him feel so good, it made up for the bad times. Even though the bad times came more often now, it was still worth it when it felt good.

A knock on the door tore him from his thoughts and he turned around.

"Enter." The door slowly opened and Saïx entered with a bow.

"Superior." Xemnas nodded.

"Stand straight Number VII." Saïx did so and saw the streaks on Xemnas's cheeks, a faint glossiness in his eyes. As the unspoken rule between them he didn't ask.

"Lovely night tonight.

"Night. Or day, I don't know. It's always dark around here, but yes. It is nice." Xemnas turned around, facing the window again. He could hear Saïx's steps getting closer and closed his eyes as he felt the blue-haired man's arms around his waist. Lips sought his neck and he tilted his head backwards for better access. A wet cheekbone touched his chin. They stood like that for a long time, trying to breathe, trying to find any kind of warmth. Any kind of feeling would have been enough, but nothing.

Xemnas turned around and met the Luna Diviner's eyes. The blue-haired man leaned his head against Xemnas's chest. He felt every breath Xemnas drew and tried to hold the tears back before he looked up at him.

"Make me feel." Xemnas looked at him, a long empty stare before he hit him. This was what they did. Sometimes they actually did feel something, just not what they wanted to feel. He didn't remember how it felt to have a heart. Saïx's gasp of pain brought him back from his thoughts. A red mark was forming of the berserker's face.

Saïx placed a hand on Xemnas' shoulder and they kissed. It started out gentle but soon it hurt. Saïx's teeth dug into the flesh of Xemnas bottom lip, drawing blood and the Superior's nails dug into the back of Saïx's cloak. The silver-haired man licked his lips and felt the bitter-sweet taste of blood. Sometimes Xemnas could almost bet that Saïx had small fangs; how would he otherwise be able to abuse the older man's lips like this?

Slowly he began to unzip Saïx's zipper and kissed the pale skin, colouring it faintly red with the blood from his lips. This was how they liked it. Sometimes it made them feel alive, but mostly it just ended in more pain. No matter how much they pretended or how hard they shut their eyes, they still didn't feel anything.

Soon Saïx's cloak was lying on the floor, along with Xemnas' own and the two men were on the bed. The sheets were stained red from blood, an ashtray standing on a small table next to the bed. A cigarette in Xemnas' hand, burn marks all over Saïx's chest, old and new. He was gasping desperately for air in pain and Xemnas slowly puffed on his cigarette. The ashtray was almost full. Saïx had finally calmed down and was able to breathe normally.

"Do it again." He said. This was just playing. Fore-playing. Saïx screamed as the burning cigarette made contact with his bare chest and Xemnas smiled. A tongue met abused skin, trailed up and he bit into the thin skin of the diviner's neck, sending him into new gasps for air and shrills of pain.

How much could two people hurt each other before one broke down? They just let each other suffer, without doing anything to help, only making it worse. But that was how they liked it. On one hand; Xemnas wanted to be able to feel again, on the other he didn't want to. He didn't know if he wanted to feel all the pain he'd inflicted on himself and others.

Kingdom Hearts was shining brightly, making an eerie glow in the room, making him see Saïx's features better than in the eternal darkness. The blue-haired man was lying on his back, eyes closed from pain, a faint trail of blood from the corner of his mouth. His torso was covered with burn marks and he was barley breathing; as if each breath pained him, which it probably did. If he had a heart, this would be were it hurt; too see the one man that actually maybe 'cared' about him, as much as he could without a heart, in pain like this. But he knew that Saïx liked it. Pain was better than no feelings at all.

He left his position, leaning over the aching man on one arm, to lying down beside him, a finger slowly tracing over the berserker's chest. Saïx inhaled sharply at the first touch, but settled and enjoyed the feeling. He flinched every time the finger came to near any of the burns, but over-all he loved every second of it. His breath slowly became faster and shallower, no oxygen reaching his brain, making him feel dizzy.

A tongue started to trace over him again and he felt over Xemnas came on top of him, holding his wrists in a firm grip over his head. Lips started to kiss over his neck and a voice whispered near his ear a silent "I'm sorry" before they traced his neck, finding that spot beneath his chin, by his ear, making him moan. Fingers fiddled in the back of his neck, Xemnas had released his arm without him noticing and he shivered in pleasure.

The line between pain and pleasure is subtle and he was balancing on it; one minute groaning, the other second screaming. Xemnas smiled at each scream he drew from Saïx's lips and a finger played around one of the new burns, the scorched skin flaming red and shiny from blood plasma were the skin was missing. Saïx bit Xemnas in the shoulder, making the silver-haired man moan.

This continued, they alternately inflicted pain on each other and then kissed, making hickeys and touched. This was their way of trying to try to feel real. They were never meant to exist in the first place and it broke them down, just as much as this did. Sometimes Xemnas tried to tell himself that he didn't really care, but truth to be told, sometimes it made him feel so empty and alone it would have broke his heart, if he had had one.

All he heard was Saïx's breaths echoing in his ears.

Panting, Saïx pushed the Superior away to catch his breath from a kiss. His mouth tasted blood, and he didn't know if it was his own or Xemnas's. This was as healing as pouring alcohol on a wound. Cleaning, but oh so painful. Except the fact that this really weren't that healing, just painful. Try to pretend that you have something you don't really have, and play with emotions that don't really exist.

Everything was a big contradiction. They loved to hate each other and hated to love and still they didn't feel anything. Instead they did all they could to pretend, but nothing worked. This was their nightmare, the pain, the lack of feelings, the chilliness. Nightmares that never left, that always remained even after they awoke and hunted them. The knowledge that they'd never find what they were looking for; that they would always stay incomplete, or die trying to be whole.

Yes. Everybody has nightmares to fight and as Xemnas's tears fell on the burns and Saïx screamed, the thunder roared outside, a lightning lighting up the room every few seconds.

* * *

Make a sad girl happy and leave a review? :3  
No flames please :  
Hope you all liked the chapter


	6. Chapter 5 Cricket

**A/N: I know it's highly unlikely that they would remodel Castle Oblivion and that they probably don't sit and eat breakfast together and all that crap, but hey; it's just fan fiction. You're allowed to take some liberties xD**

Allrighty. here's the new chapter and I am sorry for that it took so much time.

I want to dedicate this chapter to Tiffany and there's a special little thing for her in here too. You know what it is when you get there. It's for all the fun talks and all the help I got in this chapter. You're an angel.

Also thanks to Sambox for beta'ing :D

I haven't had that much time to work on this since I've been working on a new project together with Tiffany.  
It's a new fic we're writing together. It's called Starlight High and so far after the third chapter we've reached over 20 000 words and 43 pages.

Still, if you wanna know how my fics are going you can read my livejournal called fearthespatula.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
The divider in this chapter is the song 'Wow, I can get sexual too' by Say anything which I don't own either

And yeah. Just as a little fun thing I'm gonna have a game from this chapter to the end.  
I'm gonna ask a question and you can answer it and i will reveal the answer in the Epilogue of this story.  
(Tiffany is not allowed to answer since she already knows xD sorry sweetie)

The question is:  
Who do you think Myde's rapist is?

Enjoy this chapter

* * *

**Chapter 5**** Cricket**

"_Come little boy,__ have fun with me." Rain was pouring down, hiding any signs of tears. A young boy was hiding behind a big rock, covering his ears with his hands. Heavy footstep grew closer, shadows closing in; he tried to get away. He had found shelter behind a big rock and tried to hide behind it. In his young innocent mind this worked. Nobody would find him here. He never knew how wrong he was until it was too late. A hand closed around the boy's throat and lifted him. He closed his eyes really hard and a deep voice spoke to him._

"_Look at me pretty boy. I want to see the fear in your eyes before we play." Tears streamed down the young blond's face and the older man just laughed coldly at the sight of his tears. _

"_You little whiny bitch. I only want to play. Don't make me start crying." Myde just continued crying and the older man got annoyed._

"_Look at me!" He screamed and slapped the boy's cheek. "I want to see you suffer!" He calmed down. The slap stung and left a bright red mark._

_  
"We're only going to play." Myde opened his eyes cautiously. The creepy man with the green eyes and the silver hair made a wicked smile._

"_Good boy. What pretty eyes you have." With those words he ripped the blonde's shirt._

_The image disappeared in shadows, thunder and screams. He could hear laughter, mad laughter, it was everywhere._

_He screamed. He had no idea where he was or who he was. It was shadows and heartless, everywhere and it was raining. Something caught him and he tried to get away. Once again he screamed._

_--_

_I__f I die and go to hell real soon  
__It will appear to me as this room_

_--_

Demyx woke up by the thunder roaring outside and lightning lighting up the room every few seconds. He was shaking with fear and the covers had him in a tight grip after he had twisted so in his sleep.

Panic was lingering in the pit of his stomach and he had no idea where to go, since Luxord was out on a mission. Silently he rose from his bed and walked out. The whole castle was laying in darkness and he could hear moans and screams from the rooms higher up. He hurried into Luxord's empty room and looked around.

Of course Luxord wasn't there, but he already knew that. He only wanted the safety the room provided. That special smell it had. He noticed that the couch was still made from the last time he had slept here and he slipped under the cover and hid. Something was wrong. The couch smelt different from last time.

But being in here like this reminded him of when he and Luxord first met.

--

_I__f I die and go to hell real soon  
__It will appear to me as this room_

_--_

_Screams from someone else's room were keeping him awake, shadows playing in the corners__ of his room. He was sitting up in his bed, rocking back and forth from panic. He was alone here, with no friends, no one who cared._

_According to some of the residents they couldn't feel since they didn't have hearts, but what did that matter? He still remembered how to feel and that was what really mattered. And right now he was feeling panic, loneliness. Fright. He tried to ignore the scrapings on the window, the loud moans, the shadows but it was impossible. Tears fell down his face and he had troubles breathing. _

_He rose from his bed, trembling with cold and the fear hanging over him as a thick cloud. The stone floors we__re cold against his bare feet as he walked out and headed towards the bathroom on this floor. _

_Each floor had its own bathroom back then. They had remodelled it now so they had two big bathrooms instead that they all shared. Larxene had her own shower since she was a girl but otherwise they all shared._

_He tried in vain to ignore the shadows dancing on the walls. In the bathroom he didn't bother to turn on the light, he didn't want to wake anyone up, and he definitely didn't want to see his own reflection; he just wanted to splash some water on his face before he went back to sleep. He met his blue green gaze in the mirror and bent down towards the basin to wet his face with some cold water. When he looked up again he could swear he saw a pair of yellow eyes in the mirror behind him. He panicked even more and ran out, hurrying to his room, the shadows on the walls following him. He closed the door behind him, ran towards the bed and jumped under the covers._

_They were strangely warm for having been alone for so long. Someone groaned and an arm flung over his waist. Demyx screamed and so did the other person. They both flew up from the bed._

"_Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my room!?" The other man said in a deep voice with a British accent. "And what the hell were you screaming about this late?" Demyx's under lip quivered and before he knew it his legs gave in under him and he fell down into a sitting position on the floor, crying even harder. The other man looked like he didn't know what to do._

"_Hey, Cricket, how are you? And who are you?" Demyx couldn't speak from crying. British-accent man walked towards him and draped him in a blanket before he sat down next to him._

"_Come on. Tell me, why are you crying?" The younger man started to rock again and British-accent man looked confused. He slung an arm around the smaller boy._

"_Shh… Cricket, calm down, things are gonna be okay." Demyx leaned against his shoulder and after a while he calmed down. British-accent dude smiled slightly._

"_So… Care to tell me who you are now Cricket? And what are you doing in my room this late?" He laughed silently. "Even though it's flattering." Demyx smiled faintly._

"_I'm really sorry. I'm Demyx, member number IX, the Melodious Nocturne." British-accent dude smiled._

"_Nice to meet you Demyx. I'm Luxord, the newest member. I'm number X, the Gambler of Fate. Now; why are you here in my room?" Demyx dried away some stray tears._

"_I couldn't sleep since I saw a lot of things in the shadows and I heard weird noises. I went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in my face to try and calm down, but when I looked up again, I could swear a saw a pair of bright yellow eyes behind me in the shadows. When I ran back to my room, I guess I took the wrong door." British-accent dude, obviously named Luxord, smiled towards him._

"_I see. Are you afraid of the dark?" Demyx mumbled something weakly._

"_I'm sorry, Cricket; I didn't catch that."_

"_Yes… I've always been, for as long as I can remember. I just don't know why." Luxord nodded._

"_Well. It's okay to be afraid." Demyx looked at the other man, thoroughly and noticed that he had a pair of turquoise eyes, a pale blond short hair and some sort of beard-thing. _

"_I would almost feel bad shoving you back into your own room. Do you think you could manage to head back?" Demyx shook his head, ever so slightly and Luxord nodded._

"_I thought so. I would feel bad after seeing you like this. Do you get to sleep at all?" _

"_I haven't slept a whole night since I came here."_

"_Would you feel safer if I'd let you sleep here?" Demyx's head snapped up._

"_I can't take your bed! That would be wrong and sharing a bed would be even more wrong too since I just met you." Luxord let out a husky laugh._

"_Whoa whoa, slow down there Cricket; who said anything about you taking my bed?" The faint glow that had lit in Demyx's eyes at the words of him sleeping here went out as fast as it had come. _

"_I'll just sleep on the floor, then?"_

"_The floor is ice cold and of stone. What do you think I am? Heart-less?" Demyx just opened and closed his mouth and Luxord realised what he just said._

"_Forget that." He laughed again. "No, I was thinking that you could sleep on the couch. How does that sound?" Demyx just smiled._

"_If you don't mind I think that would be nice. I dread going back to my cold, lonely, dark room." Luxord nodded._

"_Just let me find you a pillow and some blankets or something." Luxord rose and started to rummage trough the room. Finally he found a pillow and he threw it to the younger blond who caught it in midair._

"_You have a blanket around you which I forgot." He made a goofy smile as Demyx rose and sat down on the couch. Luxord sat down on the arm of the sofa and smiled as Demyx cuddled up beneath the blanket._

"_Nighty then Cricket."_

"_Good night." Luxord rose and went back to his own bed. Just before sleep caught him Demyx mumbled half asleep._

"_Luxord?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Please don't call me Cricket. Call me by my name." Luxord smiled._

"_Sure thing Demyx. Goodnight." When he didn't get an answer he figured Demyx had fallen asleep._

_--_

_I__f I die and go to hell real soon  
__It will appear to me as this room_

_--_

Demyx smiled faintly at the memory. Ever since that night he had always gone to Luxord's room when he couldn't sleep. When the nightmares started to hunt him, Luxord always had some comforting words and he would fall asleep on the couch.

And once again, here he was. Even though Luxord wasn't here the room itself felt safe. It didn't take long before sleep caught him.

--

_I__f I die and go to hell real soon  
__It will appear to me as this room_

_--_

Roxas leaned against the back of the chair he sat on in Axel's room. Axel was lying on the bed and watching him. The blond was in deep thoughts and the redhead tilted his head to the side. Or at least as close to it he could, with his head on the pillow.

"What are you thinking about, Rox?" The blond looked up, looking confounded.

"I'm worried about Demyx. He has been acting so strange lately." Axel twisted so he was lying on his side.

"Don't worry about him. He'll manage. Come here and give me a hug." Roxas smiled slightly, rose and cuddled up against the redhead.

"Warm…" Axel smiled and stroked the blond's back. How he loved this boy. So what if he didn't have a heart; he still remembered how to feel. He planted a gentle peck on the blond's forehead.

Feather light kisses started to trail over his neck and he inhaled sharply.

"Rox…" The blond started to suck on the soft sensitive skin on his neck, and he couldn't help himself when a moan released itself from his throat. He squeezed the blond's arm, which only triggered the younger Nobody, who started to nibble. Before Axel knew what hit him, the blond had pushed him to his back and straddled him, holding his arms in a firm hold over his head and continuing with his abuse of Axel's neck. The redhead closed his eyes and moaned again. Roxas started to trail down the collar on Axel's coat, slowly un-zipping it. The redhead twisted slightly under him and Roxas smiled against the pale skin of the redhead's stomach.

He gently pushed away the fabric of the coat; Axel sat up with him still straddling him and with joined forces they got off the redhead's coat. Axel's arms immediately slung around the blond's back and the fell down against the bed again.

It didn't take that long before Roxas' coat joined Axel's on the floor and the two boys kissed to forget.

_Later_

Roxas gave him a light peck on the moist skin of his cheek and cuddled up against his torso. The redhead sniffed his hair and smiled.

"I love you" Axel smiled again and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.

"Love you too, Rox." The small blond was soon fast asleep, but Axel couldn't drop what he said earlier that night. Demyx hadn't acted strange, now had he? Sure; he had his ups and down, but who hadn't? A mumble from the small blond beside him tore him from his thoughts.

Axel smiled and ruffled the blond's hair affectionately. The blond stirred and snuggled up against Axel's neck, making the redhead purr before he fell asleep.

--

_I__f I die and go to hell real soon  
__It will appear to me as this room_

_--_

It was surprisingly few who came down for breakfast the next morning Demyx thought to himself. Axel was there, but he was looking awfully tired, Roxas was sleeping in. Xemnas was there, since he had too be, and Luxord, Xigbar and Larxene were out in missions. Marluxia hadn't showed himself since the peroxide "incident". He was probably hiding in his garden trying to figure out how to get the pink in his hair back.

Lexaeus were here since he had made breakfast, Xaldin were also present. Saïx just entered, looking like he was in great pain. Zexion was also here, currently reading some thick heavy tome. Vexen was probably in his laboratory helping Marluxia, since Marly forced him to help; if he knew Marluxia right.

Demyx shrugged his shoulders; it didn't really matter to him. He took a bite from his sandwich and listened feebly to Axel's mumbling as Roxas entered the room, also looking like he hadn't got that much sleep. Roxas poured himself a big cup of coffee and sat down by the table. He drank it slowly and grimaced at the bitter flavour, but it definitely helped him wake up.

Axel was lying half asleep with his head on the table and Demyx felt about as awake as Axel probably did. He stirred in his cup with a spoon and yawned. This was, with out a doubt, the dullest morning here in years.

All of a sudden a portal was opened in the middle off the room and Luxord fell out from it, clothes torn and scratches and gashes all over him.

* * *

Please leave a review, especially all of you who have this story on alert and or favourite.

Luffs  
Emelee


	7. Chapter 6 Friend like Me

Allright. Long time no see, and I am sorry for that. It's been much going on.

Here is chapter six and I hope you enjoy it  
I am sorry it is so short but I had no idea what to write, and I don't really like this chapter /

Still if you wonder how things are going with my fics check out my LJ.

**Disclaimer - I own nothing**

I know exactly what's gonna happen in the next chapter, but I have another thing I'm gonna write at first.  
I have about a page done for chapter seven so we'll see when I get the other thing done.

Anyhow: Thanks to Sambox and Tiffany :3 as always

Yeah btw. So far no one got it right on my question from last time ..  
Hint: Myde's rapist is not necesserily from Kingdom Hearts angel face  
keep up the guessings

**Enjoy**

* * *

**Saving Me**

**Chapter 6 Friend Like Me**

Time passed by slowly ever since Luxord came back with the injuries and Demyx was devastated. Luxord was still unconscious but Vexen took good care of him in the basement. On a regular basis the younger blond got reports on his friend's status by Zexion who also took care of him. That is, when Demyx didn't live in the basement with Luxord, watching him, waiting for any signs of life from the older man.

Zexion said it was critical but he had a good chance of making it. Demyx walked around on needles and nothing seemed to make him happy. Axel and Roxas had tried many times to get him out to do fun stuff. They had taken him to Twilight Town for some sea-salt ice cream, his favourite, they had tried taking him to every place they could think off to cheer him up, but so far nothing had worked.

One day the three of them sat in Roxas' room, Axel talking about some random mission he went on a few days ago.

"I kid you not! Maleficent's eyebrows gotta be from hell!" Roxas smiled but Demyx just sat in his corner, not feeling like talking about any missions. He was still off mission-duty, even though it was just a few days until he was allowed to go again, but at the same time he didn't want to go on any missions. He remembered all his last failures, and Luxord's accident. Nobody knew what had happened to him since he still was out cold, but at the same time they knew he had been in Port Royal. Axel kept on talking but was interrupted by Zexion portaling in.

"Demyx… I am sorry to tell you this, but Luxord's state has taken a turn for the worse." Two seconds passed, and to Roxas and Axel they felt like an eternity, before Demyx opened a portal and disappeared. The slate-haired youth looked around and the other two looked at each other. A heavy silence laid over them like a thick cover and Axel was the one to break it.

"Zexion… Do you think Luxord will make it…?" The slate-haired one just shrugged his shoulders.

"Right now I'm afraid I don't have a clue. I wish I could say, but I can't. Number Four is doing everything in his power to save Number Ten, but I can't make any promises. Whatever it was that hit him, we gotta be sure it doesn't hit somebody else around here, therefore no missions will be allowed in Port Royal until further notice, that is when Luxord wakes up and can tell us."

--

On the shores of Atlantica, Demyx sat and watched the waves from the ocean hit the sand. He wanted to visit Luxord so badly, but at the same time he didn't know if he could take it. The evening sun warmed him, making his black coat almost too hot to touch but he didn't notice.

What would he do without Luxord? Who would he have to turn to if Luxord disappeared? He let out a heavy sigh and leaned his head against his knees.

It was alone but beautiful here and Demyx loved it. The sound the waves made, the smell, everything. It was where he belonged. It would have been nice with some company, but the two people he wanted here was either unconscious or didn't speak to him all that much. The silence was broken by a portal opening behind him. The blond turned around only to find Zexion standing there. The slate haired man walked towards him and sat down next to him.

"Zexion… What are you doing here? And how did you know where I was?"

"You have some great friends in Axel and Roxas. They told me. They also said that I should come here." Demyx smiled faintly and looked out over the water. Zexion followed his gaze.

"It's really beautiful here…" Demyx nodded and the other boy took a deep breath.

"Hey Demyx. I am really sorry about Luxord. Number Four is doing his best and hopefully we'll be able to save him. I've noticed how close you two are." Demyx sat quiet for a while.

So… Zexion had noticed him. Oh stop stupid thoughts, it didn't mean anything. He just said it to be nice. But still.

"Thank you for your concern. Is… Is he gonna make it?" the slate haired one sat quiet a while before answering.

"I think so. I'm not sure and I won't make any promises, but I think so. His condition has been stabilized since I told you in the castle." Demyx let out a sigh and the other boy smiled slightly and rubbed his arm. Before he knew it, the blond was shaking with sobs. Zexion didn't know what to do, since this had never happened to him before. He carefully slung an arm around Demyx's shoulders and suddenly he had a crying boy in his arms. Tears stained his cloak and he gently rubbed the blond's back.

"There there… I told you it'll probably, hopefully be okay." Demyx nodded and Zexion leaned back, lying flat on his back in the sand with the crying blond in his arms.

"Thank you…" Zexion looked down at the other boy.

"For what?" Demyx just shook his head and tried to calm down.

"I just want to say it. Thank you for everything." Zexion smiled and looked up at the sky, which was innocently bright blue, not a cloud in sight. When the blond was somewhat calmer Zexion patted his back.

"Hey.. Think we should head back? Maybe I can fix so you can sit with Luxord a while…?" His voice was so soft Demyx almost started crying again and he had to bite his lip.

"Yeah." Zexion chuckled softly.

"Think you can… perhaps get off me…?" Demyx suddenly became painfully aware of their awkward position and quickly rose.

"I'm sorry." Zexion stood up and brushed sand off his coat.

"Don't worry about it. Come on, let's go." He snapped his fingers and a portal opened behind them and they walked through it.

--

Luxord was so still and pale. He hadn't moved since he came through the portal that awful day. Demyx leaned his head against his arms that were resting on the edge of the bed where Luxord was laying. When he and Zexion had come back to the castle Zexion had immediately disappeared and after half an hour Vexen showed up in Demyx's room and told him that he could go visit his friend.

The younger blond tilted his head to the side, while he watched the older man and felt how heavy his head felt. He hadn't gotten that much sleep the last week, due to worrying and nightmares worse than usual.

He yawned and closed his eyes and before he knew it he was fast asleep.

_Pictures jumped back and forth, pictures of a man with short silver hair and green eyes, asking to play, Luxord torn up and dead, yellow eyes glowing behind him in a mirror. He tried to make the pictures disappear but they just kept on hunting his brain. _

_Green eyes followed him, making him feel uncomfortable, at the same time as yellow eyes always were right behind him. His breath became hitched and he tried to get away, he ran but came no where, the eyes were always there, not far away, but still not too close. They just where there, taunting him. _

_Pictures of a giant dog following him, sharp canines dripping with saliva. Pictures of the Superior and his playmate going at it in the Superior's office, Demyx himself in panic. The shadows in the Beast's castle, following him, other shadows dancing on the walls of castle Oblivion in the dark of night. Loneliness was subtle, almost touchable and he never felt so scared in this non existence._

_Other pictures came and went; people who he guessed were Myde's parents, a small boy in a striped ripped shirt, crying. Sounds were mixed with the pictures. There were screams, screams of fear from a child, screams of pleasure from fellow Organization members. Cries and laughs were mixed and hanging in the air, always. _

_Always always, no chance of getting away, they were always there. Everything that he hated and tried desperately to leave behind him, he hid as far back in his memory as possible. But it always came back, one way or another to haunt him down and make it impossible for him to sleep._

A hand was laid on his shoulder and the dreams suddenly became pleasant, as if it was a protecting shadow over him, making him feel safe again.

_The green eyes became replaced with a pair of turquoise smiling ones. _

"_How are you feeling C__ricket?"_

_The turquoise eyes became replaced with a pair of blue, blue ones with a slate colored hair, arms slung around his back, carefully comforting him from his tears. _

_A gentle smile matching the blue eyes made him smile, and gone was all thoughts of creepy eyes behind him, and all that was left was a sort of security._

"_Hopefully things will be okay with him."_

_Suddenly everything in him was screaming no. Something felt blatantly wrong, but he had no idea what it was that was wrong. _

The hand on his shoulder felt him tense and gently stroked over his back.

_He was shaking and he couldn't point out what was wrong __to save his life.  
But things seemed to clear up and one last shrill shook him before he was calm again. It was like a guardian angel watched over him and kept him safe. The pictures continued._

_A smiling child playing in swings with a bunch of other kids in his own age milling around, playing with him. A young girl watching him from the fence, smiling slightly at his bravery of swinging with such a high speed. _

_Him and Axel and Roxas out doing God knows what at late night, probably setting up a prank or something for one or another member. The kitchen of Castle Oblivion, where he and Lexaeus were baking something that he later brought to his friends. Their smiling faces lit up, making his darkness a little more livable; making it a little bit brighter. _

_It felt like he didn't have to run anymore, like he finally was safe. The bad memories were forever gone and nothing could hurt him anymore._

The hand on his shoulder shook him lightly and he slowly came back to a waken state. He looked around and found a pair of weak turquoise eyes looking down at him.

"Hey Dem…" Demyx was speechless. Luxord had finally woke up. He wasn't going to die. The younger blond didn't know if he should cry or laugh. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to makes some kind of sounds, but failing miserably. The older blond just smiled.

"I'm glad to see you." Demyx swallowed hard and smiled back. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

"You're... awake."

--

The next day Luxord was let out of the basement and could return to his room. Vexen had questioned him about what had happened in Port Royal but the only answer he got was that Luxord had gotten into a fight that he didn't win and so things were solved. Life returned to it's usual pace, missions were once again allowed in Port Royal now that they knew that nothing dangerous was lurking there.

That night Demyx spent the night there, just because he could. He had missed his friend.

They sat together on the couch were Demyx usually slept and talked. Luxord smiled towards the younger nobody and they had a good time.

When it was time for sleeping, Luxord stroked Demyx's hair and smiled.

"Sweet dreams Cricket."

Things were finally back to normal.

Hope you liked it and please leave a review, especially if you have this story on alert/favourite

Luffs  
Emelee


	8. Chapter 7 Everything you loved is lost

Oi peeps. Sorry it has taken so much time. I've had a lot on my mind and I had a writer's block.

**Disclaimer: ... no. **

**Thanks to: Ramen-is-my-godess who did the first read and to Sambox for beta-ing it.**

Um, yeah, we've reached the plot high light.  
Please don't hate me for this?

I'm not that satisfied with it; it's like.. I've had this planned the whole time and still it came out so short. Oh well.. I'll hopefully make it up later

Oh well..

Enjoy.. or.. eh.. something

* * *

**Chapter 7 ****Everything you loved is lost**

Demyx couldn't sleep. Something was wrong here. Ever since that night he last slept in here without Luxord, something had felt weird. It was something that didn't what it used to be. He couldn't put his finger on what it exactly was, but he was sure it was something there, that didn't use to be there. Either that or something was missing.

Even Luxord had acted strange since he was in Port Royal. It was something wrong with him, at least it felt like it. The insecurity brought back all memories and he hated it. He didn't know what to do. Not that he ever did, but he really felt helpless this time. Usually he solved things one way or another.

The sheets had tangled to his legs, from all twisting and turning for the lack of sleep. This was driving him insane, slowly but still.

Once again he spun around on the sofa. Luxord's deep sleeping breaths and snores from the bed, which usually calmed him, now just made him stressed. He wished he knew what was wrong, then maybe he would've been able to do something about it, but now it just left him feeling stressed and alone. The darkness in the room didn't exactly help either.

A pair of bright yellow eyes shone in the corner of the room making him jerk up from his half sleeping state. Now when he looked around the room, which was empty and dark, but he could've sworn he saw something.

Demyx shook his head to himself. He was getting paranoid. Things were okay now. Luxord was once again here, and could protect him from harm. He smiled at the memory.

-Flashback-

"_It's__ okay Dem. It's only me." the older man's voice was concerned and he led Demyx to the couch where they both sat down. Demyx was shaking, slightly rocking back and forth. Luxord placed his arm around the younger man._

"_Calm down Dem__. You're home and __nobody__ is gonna do you any harm, not as long as I am here. Don't worry, I promise."_

_Slowly Demyx calmed down and fell asleep, leaning against his protector, feeling safe. Luxord looked down at the sleeping boy, smiled to himself and tucked him in before going back to his own bed._

**-**End of Flashback-

As long as Luxord was here, nothing bad would happen. He had promised.

Another hour passed and Demyx had yet to fall asleep. Sleep had almost caught him when he once again thought he saw those yellow eyes, this time though they seemed closer. Slowly he sat up and looked around. What the hell was this about? Something cold crept up his back and panic hit him. From the corner of the room, the yellow eyes watched him silently.

He quickly glanced to the bed to see if Luxord had noticed anything, but the older Nobody was fast asleep. When he looked back, the eyes were gone once again. Demyx bit his lip.

"Luxord…?" No response. The other blond was fast asleep.

"Luxord…!" The older one stirred slightly in his sleep.

"**Luxord!**"

"Hmm?"

"I think there is something in here, that shouldn't be…" Luxord drew his hand through his mussed hair and yawned.

"What are you talking about Cricket?" Cricket? Luxord hadn't used that name on him in ages; he promised he wouldn't do it again. He quickly shook the thought off.

"There's something wrong here…" Sounds came from Luxord's bed when he moved around.

"I'm sure it's okay, but if you want to you can come over here." Demyx quickly got up and tip toed over to the older blond's bed and sank down on the edge.

"It's okay Demyx, you can lay down and try to get some sleep. Come here, lie with me." Luxord patted the bed and carefully Demyx slipped under the cover and cuddled up into a ball. He felt safe now, and the security made sleep catch up with him. When he was almost gone into sweet worlds and fluffy covers a hand stroked down his arm, continuing over his waist and hip, which made him clearly awake.

"L-Luxord! What are you doing?"

"Shush, it's okay…" Demyx tensed as Luxord's hand continued over his leg, down over his butt and in under his cotton shirt he slept in. He could feel Luxord's heavy breaths on his neck and felt horribly un-comfortable.

"Please Luxord, stop." Panic shot through him when the older's hand reached in between his thighs.

"I only do this because I care about you, you know."

"But it's wrong… Please stop it." The hand grabbed his private parts and Demyx whined before Luxord let go and turned him around, holding him pinned against the bed on his back, holding his hands over his head.

"Shut up Cricket, after all I've done for you, being here, listening to your constant babbling about all stupid things, I deserve this. I only do it because I care so much about you." Demyx was too scared to see the oxymoron in that sentence. He twisted his head to the side to avoid Luxord's eyes. His gaze fell on the dark corner of the room, where the yellow eyes shone brightly now, no question about it.

Luxord turned around to see what he was looking at.

"Oh, I see Baby is out… Come here Baby." Out from the shadows a Neoshadow Heartless appeared.

"Baby is my pet. I think you've met her before. That night, a few years ago when you were new around here, in the bathroom in the darkness, when you accidentally ran in to my room." Demyx didn't know what to say. So it was all planned? His thoughts didn't get much further before Luxord continued.

"You promised that as long as you were around nothing bad was gonna happen to me…"

"Well, I lied. And now you're all mine Cricket, and I will see that you tell nobody." Demyx's eyes grew in panic as his limbs grew limp. Now matter what he couldn't move. Panic paralyzed him as Luxord turned him around and ripped off his pyjama pants. All of a sudden all Demyx's body parts started to cooperate again and he struggled to get free. An elbow in Luxord's stomach made him quickly jump out of the bed and run towards the door, but halfway he got stopped by Baby jumping on him, making him fall to the floor.

Luxord was soon over him again, pinning him to the floor since Baby caught him from behind, making him fall forwards.

There wasn't much Demyx could do, it was the same as when Myde got raped all those years ago; the other man was so much bigger and stronger than himself. He could only lie there as Luxord had his way with him.

Tears fell down his face in pain. The physical pain from Luxord pushing in and out of him and the mental pain, the letdown, the knowledge that everything had been a lie. Luxord had never cared for him at all.

When Luxord finally was done and pulled out of him, Demyx just whined. Luxord rose and looked down on the crying boy on his floor.

"You're pathetic." Demyx could hear his footsteps walking away, the soft sounds his heartless made as it followed him. The young blond was left, bruised and broken on the floor in the darkness, alone with his tears.

Allright. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.  
Please no flames though.  
And I am sorry, but things can only go up now, right?  
(Please leave a review, especially if you have this story on your favourites and/or alert list)

I'm thinking about maybe putting this story or (perhaps permanent) hiatus. But I'm not sure. It's just not as much fun to write on it anymore. it doesn't give me anymore, but I might change my mind. I dunno.

Luffs  
Ems


	9. Chapter 8 Shooting Star

**Blah. To be frank. I hate this story now. I am ebarrased that i ever wrote it because it's so fucking horrible. and i lost almost all of my readers last chapter.  
This story will from now on be on a probably permanent hiatus. I don't know if I'll ever get back to rewrite it and fix it up.**

**and bt the way.. SAAAAMBOOOOOOOX where are you? D:  
you haven't gotten back on my emails? ..**

this chapter has been finished for a very long time, it's just been needing to be beta'ed.  
god i hate this fic..

Either way..

**Thanks to Tiff for editing. **

**Thanks to everyone who've read this story and reviewed it. it meant alot. even if the story sucks. thanks for all the kind words.**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. i don't even wanna claim owner ship for this crap.**

Blah.

Enjoy.. or something.. whatever.

* * *

**Chapter 8**** Shooting star**

I wasn't sure how long I laid there on the floor in the room where my life crashed that night. If you even can call it a life; this pathetic non-existence. I was too afraid to move, afraid that I would get cuts from the shattered pieces of my life that lay all over the floor around me. It was my life, my hope, my security he trashed when he crossed the line. But on the other hand; maybe I deserved it. Maybe I actually do complain too much… He said he did it only because he cared about me, and he was the only person that ever cared about me. I can't really count Myde's parents; they've never been with me in this existence and I don't really remember them either, so it doesn't really matter.

A pain was throbbing at the end of my back, at the lower part and I felt like crying at the same time as I just wanted to disappear. Everything had just been a lie. Everything that had meant something to me had never really existed, it had just been fake. He never cared for me. I couldn't bear myself to pronounce his name, it hurt too much. The tears had dried a long time ago, but I just wanted to cry more. I don't think I've ever felt this alone before.

I felt disgusting, but when I tried to rise to go to the bathroom to take a shower, I wanted to scream at the pain. Tears shot up in my eyes, even though I have no idea where they came from. After some deeps breaths I finally dared to try again and actually got up, even though I had to support myself by clinging to every surface I could find. One painful step after the other and I was out of the room. A feeling of disgust and nausea shot through me, and it was not only the feeling after his hands, but also the fact that I was covered in sweat.

The walk through the corridor was long, painful, full of shame, and I flinched from every shadow I saw, even if it most of the time it was only my own shadow that flickered from the light of Kingdom Hearts coming from the gigantic windows. Every few steps I also had to stop, to collect energy and try to hold back tears, at the same time as I had to keep my breath steady. With every step I took, and the pain increased, I realized more than ever how hostile and cold these corridors were. How the ever white paint made the whole thing even worse.

When I finally reached my goal, I turned the water in the shower on the warmest there was, and pulled my shredded cotton pants off. Somehow, I can't really remember, I must've been able to put them on after… the incident… I crept on all fours in under the warm water. But it didn't matter, I didn't feel the heat. The water made my skin flame the same colour as Axel's hair, but I just didn't give a shit. More tears fell down my cheeks, but the hot water rinsed them away.

The water didn't help; I still felt his hands on me and I still felt dirty, disgusting and alone. I realized that there was probably nothing I could do about it. I was doomed to an existence full of pain and disgust. And all I ever wanted was for someone to like me, to accept me, and this was what I always seemed to get. The room was dark, I hadn't bothered to turn the lights on; what would it change? Someone or something would jump out and kill me? Well, let them. It's not like I feel like staying here after the betrayal, even though it was probably me who'd done something wrong; what I did wrong though, I wasn't really sure of. What was it he had said?

_"Shut up Cricket, after all I've done for you, being here, listening to your constant babbling about all stupid things, I deserve this._

_You're pathetic."_

He had been right. After all he'd done for me I guess he was worth it. I wasn't; he was right, I am pathetic. All I did was sit here, crying. I should just take it, I wasn't supposed to have feelings. I should've just taken it and then gone to my room and slept through it.

Slept and let it go.

But wait; why did my 'heart' hurt then?

Zexion always says that I imagine that I have feelings because even though I did not technically have a heart, I surely remembered what it was like, how it felt to have a heart, to have feelings. Like Saïx always said; "_We may not have hearts, but we know well how to injure one."_ We still remembered how it felt and we knew how to hurt one badly.

And he sure as hell hurt mine.

I don't know for how long I sat there, but sooner or later, sleepiness got the better of me. There was no way I would've been able to fall asleep back there, but I was completely fatigued, and so I soon flickered out, like a candle.

**xXx**

Roxas spun around in the sheets and grumbled.

"Axel… Move over, you're taking all of the cover." The redhead behind him just grunted but Roxas refused to freeze so he did what he knew would help. Slowly he started tracing soft kisses over Axel's neck. The redhead responded with whirling around, still half asleep.

"Mmm, Roxy…" He giggled like a little school girl and Roxas raised an eyebrow before he stole the blanket from his red haired companion who groaned at the sudden loss of heat.

The blond sighed when Axel suddenly cuddled closer.

"My Roxas…" Roxas smiled to himself.

"Love you too, Axel." It didn't take long before sleep caught him again.

**xXx**

Zexion walked slowly up the stairs from the basement where he and Vexen had been working for the last few hours. It was in the middle of the night and probably no one was awake. He just couldn't wait until he got to his bed and could sink down between the heavenly soft sheets and blankets. Vexen probably was asleep already; he had gone an hour before Zexion left the lab, but on the other hand Zexion doubted Vexen ever slept.

When he reached the second floor corridor, something pulled him from his thoughts. A faint smell tickled his sensitive nose. It smelled like the ocean; the freshness of the water and the special, faintly bitter scent of seaweed and kelp. He raised an eyebrow. What was Demyx doing in this part of the castle? And what was it with the smell? Demyx's scent was mixed with tears. He decided to just ignore it, but the stronger it became, the more he felt like he had to find out what was going on.

It ended with him following the scent into one of the bathrooms. Steam came out from the room when he opened the door, and when he could see clearly again he felt numb. On the floor, sopping wet with water still running, Demyx laid, looking unconscious. When he finally regained composure, he walked quickly towards the blond. The floor was wet and slippery, and he picked the blond up.

"Number IX?" No answer. The blond's skin was flaming red from the hot water, but Zexion didn't even notice that he got half drenched in the process. He checked the older nobody's temperature before he shook him ever so lightly.

"Demyx, I am serious. You need to wake up and tell me what happened. Besides, you can't lay here. Someone else might find you or you will get sick. Come on, wake up." Demyx's eyelids fluttered gently before Zexion's bright blue gaze was met by a dull sea green.

"I'm glad you're awake. Come on, we'll get you to my room." The blond before him just winced and looked away. The slate haired boy raised an eyebrow. What was wrong with him?

"Come on now, we need you to get dry and get some sleep. It's only around 3 a.m. or so. You can still get some sleep before we need to get down for breakfast." For some reason this didn't seem to cheer him up. Zexion helped him up, and he seemed to be in great pain. The shorter of the two glanced at him but decided not to mention it. He hadn't gotten a word out of him so far, he doubted he would get one now. A portal was opened by him and they walked through it.

When they got back to Zexion's room the blond looked around, looking slightly uncomfortable. Zexion cleared his throat and gave him a towel.

"Here. Dry yourself off, and I'll go to your room and get you some dry clothes." Just as he was gonna leave, a hand clenched around his wrist. He turned around and faced Demyx, who quickly released him.

"Please don't leave me?" The younger studied him for a few seconds.

"Care to tell me what's going on?" The blond looked away and lowered his gaze.

"Oh well, tell me when you're ready then, but you still need some dry clothes." Demyx shook his head.

"No, it's okay…"

"You can't sleep butt-naked, and those pants aren't exactly gonna help. Besides they're wet."

The whole discussion ended with Demyx following Zexion to his room, where they found dry clothes, went back to Zexion's room, where Demyx changed and dried himself while Zexion stood with his back to the other boy. And then, finally, the young blond crept down under the blankets and comforters and sheets to get some sleep.

"I'll wake you up in the morning." He nodded towards the slate haired one and soon he seemed to be fast asleep.

Zexion sighed deeply. What was it with Demyx?

He sank down into a big comfy armchair that stood in a corner of the room, where he sighed deeply before he slowly drifted off to sleep himself.

**xXx**

"_Alright then Superior, We're off."_

"_Indeed. Go, don't make me disappointed. I will see you in two weeks."_

**xXx**

When I awoke that morning two things were obvious to me:

I had a terrible pain in my lower back and,

I had no idea where I was.

Then everything came back to me, like I'd been hit by a sledgehammer. The things that happened in his room, and also a vague memory of really, really warm water and Zexion showing up.

When I started to look around I realized that I, in fact, was in Zexion's room and that said slate haired boy was dozing off in an armchair in the opposite corner of the bed I was laying in. I tried to get up to walk away, but my skin was burning and the pain in my back prevented me from going anywhere. The problem was just that I had this urge to wash my hands; I felt dirty and I wanted it to go away.

Problem was just that something told me no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. And besides, I couldn't exactly move, it was too painful. While I was lying there, pondering my miserable life, I heard Zexion shift and I slowly sat up. The boy in the armchair sat up after a while and surveyed me. I moved around, feeling rather insecure. Zexion just kept eyeing me quietly. Silence was everywhere and I swear, you could take a knife and cut through it. So thick it was, or at least felt like it for me. It could've been ghosts of what I'd been through, but I chose to ignore it. That had never happened. This was my way of coping with the event the previous night. A wave of nausea came over me and I think he noticed.

"Are you okay?" I think I managed to shake my head.

"I'm feeling sick…" Once again I shook my head.

"No, just give me a few minutes and it'll probably disappear." So we sat there. I kept looking at a huge bookshelf, eyeing the titles of the books in awe. Zexion had closed his eyes and leaned backwards in the big armchair he sat in. My wambliness didn't disappear but I got something else to think about for a few minutes before we had to head down. Anguish haunted my brain at the thought of having to face the others. Of facing him. Would he care at all, or would he just pretend everything was like it had always been? I sure as hell wasn't the same. Maybe it was the anguish that caused the nausea. Might as well get it over with and go down. Even though I most of all just wanted to crawl down under the comforter and stay there for the rest of whatever. As if Zexion had read my mind, he rose.

"Ready to go down?" I swallowed hard a few times, took a few deeps breaths before I steeled my self against the pain I knew would come, and tried to rise. He probably noticed my limping but he didn't say anything about it, thank you for that. My skin burned from the earlier shower, but it had been worth it. Sort of anyway. It didn't exactly help. Oh well.

Zexion opened up a portal. I guess he realized I was in pain because usually he always walked wherever he was going inside the castle. We walked through it and came in to the kitchen, where people already sat. Axel and Roxas waved to me, smiles huge. If they only knew. But I couldn't tell them. They would probably think I was disgusting and never talk to me again. Maybe they would also be sick of my whining and think I asked for it. I waved back, with what was supposed to be a small smile, but probably looked more like a grimace. Zexion walked off to talk to Lexaeus and I sat down with Axel and Roxas.

To my great relief _he_ wasn't there. I couldn't get myself to speak his name. It reminded me too much of the letdown. Axel pulled me from my thoughts by nudging me in the side.

"Hey, 'sup Dem?" I shrugged.

"Not much… you?" Axel waved me off.

"No, how come you're showing up with Resident Emo?" Ho shit. How can I explain this?"

"I uh… We met in the corridor and decided to –" Here my excuse got interrupted with Zexion showing up, handing me a plate of food.

"Eat." I took the plate and focused on the food, ignoring Axel's gaze.

"You owe me an explanation." He whispered to me before he continued to shove down his own food. Zexion placed himself next to me and started eating too. A moment of silence passed where the only sounds were those from the silverware and silent chews. Xemnas came out of nowhere and placed himself at the end of the table.

"If I could have everyone's attention?" Lexaeus came out from the kitchen and everyone else looked at Xemnas.

"Thank you. As you noticed, we're a few persons short." Now when he said it, I realized that it was not only _he_ who was missing, but also Xigbar and Xaldin were gone.

"Yes, as you can see Xigbar, Xaldin and Luxord are not here. They are out on a mission and will return in two weeks. The other missions will continue as always. Thank you all, now go back to what you were doing." He walked out of the room and everyone just shrugged and continued with breakfast.

* * *

yup. that's it. Like i said. I'll see if i ever get back to fixing this story.. maybe.. maybe not.

still please leave a review. no need to flame since i already know it sucks.  
kind words make me happy..

-Emelee


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